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Trying to explain depression to someone who has not experienced it firsthand is a tricky thing, my friends. But today, I will try to shed some light on what it really feels like to suffer with this excruciating illness. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder, and I have to say that the depressive episodes are THE worst! Managing manic episodes, I find, are much easier than dealing with the depressive ones. Of course, you don’t have to be bipolar to experience depression. However, depressive episodes can be much more intense for us polar bears. Either way, I think most people can relate, whether you have a Major Depressive Disorder, mild depression, or Bipolar Disorder.
If you are experiencing depression, may you find comfort in this post. You are NOT alone. Millions of people, just like you and I, are fighting this battle. Granted, some of us deal with it better than most. But we will persevere. I highly recommend you check out my Mental Health board on Pinterest (@heythatsnatalie) for more information on depression, how to recognize it, and how to conquer it.
If you have a loved one who is battling this disease, may you find the knowledge that you seek in this blog post. I’ll explain what it is like to face depression the best way I know how, and I hope you will be able to better understand what it is like to fight your mind every. single. day.
What does depression really feel like?
All hope is vanished when you’re faced with depression. It’s like a dark entity is taking over your body and mind. There is no way out. You’re trapped in a realm of negativity, hurt, and hopelessness. The life-sucking demons eat away at your once happy memories. You feel like you’re all alone, and no one will ever care to save you. Your mind plays tricks on you making you believe that you are nothing. You don’t deserve to be happy. You’re not good enough for anyone. All you do is disappoint and fail. Why try anymore?
It’s unbelievably hard to stay positive when your mind feeds you all these lies. You lose faith in yourself and your loved ones.
Depression causes you to be so exhausted that you are left with absolutely no motivation to do even the most basic things. Every ounce of energy is drained from your body. You are just so tired that you can’t even find the strength to eat or shower. You start to miss work, and like myself in the past, you even quit your job because you can’t take it anymore. Relationships are put on the back burner. You isolate yourself from your loved ones. There’s just no strength left to deal with people, jobs, chores, etc.
I always find myself feeling unworthy when I’m in a depressive state. When you have no motivation or energy to do what you need to do, you start to feel like a goner. Depression tells you that you aren’t good enough to do this, not smart enough to that, and you’re definitely not pretty enough for your husband. Your mind will tell you all sorts of negative things to get you further down.
Feeling like you aren’t good enough for life is one of the most troubling feelings in the world. And no matter how much we tell ourselves we are wrong, no matter how many times our family and friends tell us otherwise, this disease will not let us believe it. In our minds, we are failures.
Suicidal thoughts are very common when someone is severely depressed. When I’m in this state of mind, there is no turning back to the light. Everything is just a mass of darkness, and I’m drowning in it. My mind will tell me that I have no purpose on Earth, I have nothing to offer, no one will care or miss me, the list goes on.
There are some things to look for when you’re monitoring a loved one with depression:
- check their internet history: researching and planning how to commit suicide is common
- take note if you see them giving things away, including, prized possessions
- writing wills or letters to loved ones
- asking questions about death, funerals, wills, etc.
- check their medicine cabinet (they could be hoarding pills to plan their suicide)
This is the worst part of depression, and the most important to look out for. In all honesty, when I have been suicidal, it does not cross my mind to ask for help. Mainly, because you don’t know how. You fear what people will think of you. And you fear the idea of being locked up in an institution.
So, it is very likely that a severely depressed person will not reach out for help. In my case, it had to be my husband to do all the saving, and I’m beyond grateful.
I want to live! And everyone faced with depression wants to live too, but that damn depression brainwashes us into thinking differently. The best thing one can do to help someone in this situation is to never leave their side, listen, and remind them how worthy they are. If you fear they may have harmed themselves, then I would highly advise you take them to the nearest hospital. You can never be too safe!
Depression makes me:
- feel alone- like no one loves me or cares about me
- feel fat and ugly- avoid eating and mirrors
- insecure and jealous of others
- feel lazy- no matter how hard I try, there’s no energy for activities
- isolated- I don’t want to burden others with my emotions and behavior
- cry constantly and uncontrollably
- hate everything that I love
- feel like I’m not good at anything
- blame myself for things beyond my control
- feel empty: I really liked this post on how depression and anxiety can cause you to feel empty
Depression is one of the most unbearable things I have ever had to deal with in my life. It is the WORST feeling in the world, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thanks to medication, healthy coping skills, better eating and exercising, I can now say that I have managed to live a much better life. For more information on how to deal with depression, I highly recommend this blog post from BetterHelp.
How does depression make you feel? And what is your best way of coping and managing?
I would love to hear your story!
As always, thank you for reading! To help others in need, you should definitely share this post with the world. Don’t forget to follow me on Pinterest.